Everything around us can either be pin pointed to one small event, occurrence, or word spoken. On the other hand we can take a big event and shrink it back to something much smaller. Its almost redundant. They cancel themselves out, don't you think? I have pondered and pondered only to come up with nothing. My mind doesn't want to expand because internally it'd dealing with so much.
For instance, I met someone. Someone truly wonderful and completely compatible, or so I thought. It started with an e-mail. Something so simple as a hello. It caught his attention and he responded. It never even struck us that this could take us down a road so emotional and so intense. We were blind mice, clueless to the farmer's wife lurking upon us. The e-mails continued for a week and he asked me to call him. I was hesitant at first. It took me awhile to decide. He seemed to good to be true. Did I really want to disappoint myself when it came to light that he was just like all the others? What the hell, it's just a small phone call. The phone call turned into an all night talk fest. Both of us so excited and hopeful that we had found a person who finally understood us. We both valued honesty and had continuously failed to find someone who were truly honest and open.
So we tested each other. I passed with flying colors, when I meant I have nothing to hide , I meant it. The nightly phone calls continued, the feelings grew and the communication never seemed to stop. I woke up alone and single, but when I had fallen asleep that night a new hope was blossoming in my heart. Everything was just too perfect. He was constantly only my mind and his text messages all through out the day kept him there. He'd send sweet notes and cutesy rhymes. Everything I always found corny suddenly seemed heart melting. After two weeks I felt a change come over me. No panic like I normally would, or anger that he was affecting me so. Just a quiet calm, finally an understanding that I couldn't escape. When the day of the date finally came it started tumultuously. Something had pissed him off, though I can't quite remember what. We fought and argued all day and he made a comment about staying up all night long with some other girl on the phone. For the first time in my life a hot flame of jealousy raged in my heart. I told him so and also informed him that I was not about to play these petty games. He agreed and we went from heated words to apologetic forgiveness.
Everything seemed blissful and the hope of a future together was all too clearly being painted in our minds. Little did I know, the dishonesty he was hiding in his heart. This huge turning point in my life started with an e-mail and it was going to end with something just as insignificant. Like I had stated before, I have been completely honest. Even revealing to him personal aspects of my life that I had never answered for anyone else. I was very upfront about my living situation. The fact that my roommate was male and also gay never seemed to be a bother. I had also mentioned my ability to attract gay men. Not in a sexual or romantic way, but I always find myself with them or striking up conversations with them in public. Its like I have a neon sign on my head that states Fag Hag. Forgive me if that phrase is offensive to anyone reading. It is not meant to be in the least. It just seemed to come crashing out of him. He couldn't handle that I was so free and open with those "spawns of Satan" as he called them. It was too much he said. How could I be so perfect in every way, but this. How did I end up living so immorally? He did a 180 and completely turned into someone I didn't recognize or even know. I had given so much of myself that I had never given to anyone before and he wanted to throw it back in my face because of my gay friends. I was horrified and disillusioned completely. I felt the tears emerging from my eyes and wanted to use my fist of power to knock him out. I felt lied to and betrayed. He knew from the beginning and he still watched me fall. Every small text, every little kiss, and every conversation about nothing lead me here. Battling with him and becoming lost in a sea of confusion. For the first time I questioned my group of friends, but only for a second. Yes, I was almost in love with him. Yes that one stupid e-mail had brought me to this crashing realization, but I wasn't about to turn my life upside down for it. I wasn't going to alienate the people who have always loved me because of one ignorant ass. Falling in love starts with the small stuff and envelops so much of you that when you hit the pavement, you will never be the same. Talk about one small thing making one big mess.
2 comments:
Your first graf doesn't really work as intro to the piece you've written; nothing you do should depend on a discussion of the difficulties of the prompt--it should stand alone. How about this for an intro:
"Everything around us can either be pin pointed to one small event, occurrence, or word spoken. On the other hand we can take a big event and shrink it back to something much smaller. Its almost redundant. They cancel themselves out."
Anyway, your story certainly illustrates the widening or narrowing circles that go to create events.
Now, if I can take off my teacher hat for a moment: any relationship that starts with a person jealously demanding that the other person change an essential part of her make-up is not going to last long.
Relationships are hard enough, even when they start with both people thinking that everything about the beloved is perfect (and we all know that can't last.)
I agreed with your idea for the intro and have corrected it~Thanks for the advice, I have eliminated that negative person from my life.
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